How A Single Gesture Can Save Your Life

This one is quite personal, but important. It's emotional and raw. I know the dangers of opening up, especially as a man, but I find it very important to show people these things. Set an example for younger people who may not have the benefit of making the soul crushing mistakes I have. I know it doesn't exactly make sense on a business blog, but this entire website is actually a place for me to explore what's truly important and what works in life. All is fair here. If this brings me endless hate comments, but helps a single person, I'm happy. Don't be shitty on my blog, by the way. I have zero tolerance for hate and ignorance. Just enjoy the ride and let me make all of the dumb, weird, and dangerous decisions. 

As I prepare to start a new chapter in life, possibly the biggest one yet, I found myself having to say goodbye to many people around me. I posted a fairly straightforward post on social media, and got back an incredible reply, immediately. I won't share the entire post, but I want to talk about the impact it had. 

Long ago, as far back as I can remember, I felt completely alone. An outsider. Completely misunderstood and even unwanted. My parents couldn't keep their shit together to save their own lives, let alone raise children properly. My sister and I suffered immensely at their hands. Proper neglect and abuse, classified as such by the state government. It was bad. It ruined me. But not right away. I was a pretty resilient child and managed to enjoy life quite a bit, despite the chaos. As the years went on, and I became more aware of myself, my past, and the real adult world, things got very difficult. Dark. Scary. I lost touch with myself over the years and actually started to lose the ability to connect with other people. It was terrifying and depressing. A lifetime of repeated, severe trauma had made me cold and distant. Breaking out of that has been one hell of a ride so far.

Then today, after posting my goodbye, one of my oldest friends posted a reply with the most wonderful heartfelt message and a wonderful old picture of us. She thanked me for always accepting her as she was, and saying how hard it is to feel like an outcast for your entire lifetime. I know her pain and struggles far too well. That old picture, of my old happy, gentle, fun loving, adventure seeking self, next to a gorgeous young woman, much the same as my self, hit me incredibly hard. It reminded me of the endless love I used to feel for life and others, before life got too hard and serious to enjoy. Her giant smile and the proper joy on my face is one of the most powerful wake up calls I've ever had in my life. It reminded me just how much I used to love and enjoy her. Such a vibrant person full of love. I'm reminded of feeding her every chance I got, and even riding around town with her on the handlebars of my favorite old beach cruiser bicycle. We were just true and proper friends, enjoying life together. Life was at least as good as it was bad. I felt good about myself at times. I was genuinely happy and proud of my life and who I was becoming. It was a nice time. Short lived, but nice and powerful. The fact that she's kept those old memories alive, all this time, passed on a gift I gave her to another generation, and stayed true to herself all of these years, is a miracle to me. Seeing that old picture of us brought me to tears and softened my heart and soul in a way I haven't felt in a very, very long time. Nearly 20 years now.

One picture and a few kind and meaningful words can have a life changing impact on someone. If the timing is right, it can save a life. I've saved a few lives over the years with good timing and a bit of love and kindness. She may very well have saved my life. I know for sure that she saved me a ton of pain, sadness, and time on a lifelong healing journey to undo the damage done to my soul long ago. For that, I'll always be grateful. I hope to repay the favor to her someday, and to pay it forward every chance I get.

I'd like to share this old picture. It's one of my favorites of all time. This is what I'm working to get back to in my life. What a memory.